My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
