Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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