put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
