I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
