the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
