There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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