Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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