What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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