i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
