I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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