You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
