I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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