He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was born a porn star she said
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
