So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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