but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
