talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
