Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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