she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
