NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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