He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
