I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
