Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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