How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
