he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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