the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
