I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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