College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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