CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
