well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
