chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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