just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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