she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i now understand why vodka
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
