omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
