just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
