Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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