So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
