you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
