I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There's even glitter on my cock...
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