i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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