U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
