Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
