dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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