Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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