Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
