Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
