Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
