dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
