dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
