Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Randomize
