I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
