About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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