I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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